Remembering to Count my Blessings

---It has been MONTHS since my last blog post and I am ready and excited to return to "Family Q".

Last week of summer is coming to a close and my oldest will be starting full-day Kindergarten next week!!! EEK!!! I am dealing with a bit of an internal struggle at the moment.   Rebecca is DETERMINED to start Pre-School and I, selfishly want to keep her home with me.  She will be 4 in Jan., so maybe when she turns 4 I will be a bit more inclined to begin the registration process for school. Also, the idea that my first born baby boy actually going to be in school ALL DAY, 5 days a week is a bit frightening! School supplies, lunches, snacks, entrusting in teachers and school staff to take care of my baby when I have been in total control of what goes on with him ever since he was born is a bit to handle.

Also, my little family took a HUGE step this month and I have been trying to deal with it. David had a vasectomy. I have had a very hard time each month. Since the last two pregnancies,  my cycle is very inconsistent and when I am even a day late, I get complete anxiety. The fear of a pregnancy is emotionally draining and knowing that there is such a risk of losing another baby, we were forced to make the decision to be done having littles.  A decision that although I am confident is the right one, is still very hard to wrap my head around.  I get baby fever all the time but know that it's not in the cards for us.  I wish it was a decision that we made. I wish we were the type of couple that decided one day after having our two beautiful blessings that our family was complete, but if I want to be completely real, that's just not the case here. I was forced to make that decision, and sometimes it just doesn't seem fair.

Of course I look at my two kiddos and feel so blessed. I don't mean to whine, but I would be lying if I said that this has been an easy process. Maybe that's why this week is hard. The idea of my baby hitting yet another milestone and now my youngest is ready to take off and go to school?!?! To top it off, it is official we are DONE making babies. Ay yai yai. I am reminding myself daily to count my blessings and take control of my happiness.  I hope to be "normal" one day, but for now, I just need to focus on the good and keep moving forward.