***DISCLAIMER: This is not at all about one particular person or scenario. It's more about me and my reaction and not about anyone else's actions.---so if you fall under any of these scenarios...please understand it's me, not you.
I have just about had it with pregnant people complaining about their pregnancies. Ankles are swollen, so sad that their faces are puffy, people's backs are achy, they don't get to have a beer, complaints about morning sickness, the glucose test...it's too much for me to handle. Now please, don't get me wrong, chances are if I were in their situation, I would be complaining about these little trials as well, but at the end of the day, it totally makes me want to curl up into a little ball and cry in the corner of a dark room..
When people announce happy news about their pregnancy (like the baby's healthy arrival---yay! Finding out the sex---"it's a boy!"), I LOVE to hear that awesome, exciting news...but for some reason, these little (totally harmless I might add) comments about pregnancy woes drive me bonkers.
I really learned something about how my personal grieving process has been and that is; I don't want to see pregnant women. When I was in the hospital, the morning after I had the baby, I heard over the loud speaker "Banner Estrella Labor and Deliver would like to welcome baby____ to the world" (and they play "Happy Birthday to You" over the intercom---that put a smile on my face. It brought me back to when I delivered Andrew and Becca and how exciting it was to hear their announcement. I felt like I was truly in the presence of a miracle and that warmed my heart. Several hours later that afternoon, I was discharged, I found myself walking down the hall in labor and delivery and I passed a young couple. He was walking along side, while she clutched his arm and was obviously laboring. Seeing that sweet couple in labor made tears run down my cheek and I wanted to throw up from my stomach rolling.
Last Saturday was my first weekend shift at work. It was a very busy afternoon and there were a lot of customers. I have learned that I am perfectly fine around new babies (in fact, I LOVE babies and being in their presence). But Saturday, I must have seen over 2 dozen pregnant bellies walk into my work and I had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom a few times. Again, it's nothing those women did at all, it's my internal struggle.
Like I said above, it's not at all that anyone is doing anything wrong. Being pregnant is such a beautiful, amazing, miraculous thing. I LOVED being pregnant. That being said, there are times it's hard and a woman is entitled to vent about it! I'm just finding that I have a hard time reading or hearing it right now. I am very happy for everyone around me who is expecting and they are all in my prayers. I want to apologize for the way I feel...it's just the way it is right now and I wanted to share.---at the end of the day, I would take ALL of your complaints if it meant I could have a beautiful, healthy pregnancy again.
-Love you all-
Meg
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