Oh, Fortune Cookie...

Spent the other day with my love. We dropped Becca Bear off with my mom and took Andrew to school. We then had an appointment with my Obstetrician.  I had been putting it off. I didn't want to go back to that office.  I met with my Dr. and I had my consultation regarding my labor and delivery, had my exam and then he returned for "the talk".

We talked about all of our options. He explained that my case was rare.  That although there is no real way to "test" for what happened, based on my history, it would appear that there was a problem.  He didn't want to directly come at me with answers. He wanted to refer us to a high-risk specialist who would, he felt, conclude that I had more than likely had cervical incompetency.  He said based on how late I was in my pregnancy, they wouldn't consider it a miscarriage and based on the fact that the baby still had a heartbeat when I delivered. He explained that there is no one answer to explain what happened, and why my case was so rare, was I had two perfectly healthy full-term pregnancy before these two.

We then went over the many options for permanent birth control, like Tubal Ligation, Vasectomy. Things like IUD's, ect.  All a little stressful to think about.

David and I have discussed seeing a specialist, or just saying, "it wasn't meant to be" and us taking the steps to prevent ever getting pregnant again. We have been discussing and exploring adoption as an option for any future children and we have come to the conclusion that it is just all so soon and making any decisions right now would literally be based on emotion. We know that IF we would  like to seek the advice and guidance of a specialist, my Dr. can point us in the right direction. IF we decide that a future pregnancy is just not an option for us, my Dr. can help us prevent that from ever occurring again and at that point the option for adoption will never be off the table for us....as of now, we wait.

Our plan is to just keep living. Move forward and focus on the two we have right here in front of us. Are we ready for another baby? YES....but it was out of our hands and until we can clearly make a decision as for what is right for us, we just keep living.

After several tears and a "crying-induced headache" we went to lunch, just the two of us. After our food, we got our fortune cookies and right there it was, just what I needed to read.

Thanks for the reminder fortune cookie. We went on with our afternoon and will "keep our chins up"

Pregnant People: Stop Complaining

***DISCLAIMER: This is not at all about one particular person or scenario. It's more about me and my reaction and not about anyone else's actions.---so if you fall under any of these scenarios...please understand it's me, not you.  

I have just about had it with pregnant people complaining about their pregnancies. Ankles are swollen, so sad that their faces are puffy, people's backs are achy, they don't get to have a beer, complaints about morning sickness, the glucose test...it's too much for me to handle. Now please, don't get me wrong, chances are if I were in their situation, I would be complaining about these little trials as well, but at the end of the day, it totally makes me want to curl up into a little ball and cry in the corner of a dark room..

When people announce happy news about their pregnancy (like the baby's healthy arrival---yay! Finding out the sex---"it's a boy!"), I LOVE to hear that awesome, exciting news...but for some reason, these little (totally harmless I might add) comments about pregnancy woes drive me bonkers.

 I really learned something about how my personal grieving process has been and that is; I don't want to see pregnant women. When I was in the hospital, the morning after I had the baby, I heard over the loud speaker "Banner Estrella Labor and Deliver would like to welcome baby____ to the world" (and they play "Happy Birthday to You" over the intercom---that put a smile on my face. It brought me back to when I delivered Andrew and Becca and how exciting it was to hear their announcement.  I felt like I was truly in the presence of a miracle and that warmed my heart. Several hours later that afternoon, I was discharged, I found myself walking down the hall in labor and delivery and I passed a young couple. He was walking along side, while she clutched his arm and was obviously laboring. Seeing that sweet couple in labor made tears run down my cheek and I wanted to throw up from my stomach rolling.

 Last Saturday was my first weekend shift at work. It was a very busy afternoon and there were a lot of customers.  I have learned that I am perfectly fine around new babies (in fact, I LOVE babies and being in their presence). But Saturday, I must have seen over 2 dozen pregnant bellies walk into my work and I had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom a few times.  Again, it's nothing those women did at all, it's my internal struggle.

Like I said above, it's not at all that anyone is doing anything wrong. Being pregnant is such a beautiful, amazing, miraculous thing. I LOVED being pregnant. That being said, there are times it's hard and a woman is entitled to vent about it! I'm just finding that I have a hard time reading or hearing it right now.  I am very happy for everyone around me who is expecting and they are all in my prayers. I want to apologize for the way I feel...it's just the way it is right now and I wanted to share.---at the end of the day, I would take ALL of your complaints if it meant I could have a beautiful, healthy pregnancy again.

-Love you all-
Meg 

8 weeks

Had my first OB appointment yesterday and all is well and on track. BP was nice and low and we scheduled my first ultrasound. Looking forward to seeing the little peanut on screen and hearing his/her heartbeat.  

Staying Positive

We decided to try for another baby again. We are super excited and nervous. After going into pre-term labor last year we have been worried about getting pregnant again (worried is a bit of an understatement). Many prayers that all goes well and we have another successful pregnancy and healthy baby boy or girl.

   Feb. of 2014, we should be adding a fifth family member :) 

(click on photo to enlarge)